8 files changed, 625 insertions, 20 deletions

diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/037-care.7 b/www/text.causal.agency/037-care.7
index 3fffd778..052a4727 100644
--- a/www/text.causal.agency/037-care.7
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/037-care.7
@@ -27,6 +27,10 @@ Prices obviously change,
 by which I mean they inevitably go up,
 but I'm gonna give the amounts I paid
 in 2021\(en2022.
+Also if you want more details
+about any of this
+please email me.
+I will be happy to tell you all about it.
 .
 .Ss Medication
 I get HRT through
@@ -65,21 +69,27 @@ for my current prescription
 on the public plan.
 .
 .Ss Hair removal
-I've gotten laser hair removal treatments
-at Dermamode with Audrey.
-They're very nice there.
-The initial consultation was over the phone.
-I paid $1350 for 6 treatments,
-in two installments
-at the first and second appointments,
-plus the ~$200 tax on that
-before the first appointment,
-I think.
-It hasn't gone well for me so far,
-but I'm hoping it will
-now that my testosterone levels
-have dropped.
-I will report back.
+I tried laser hair removal,
+for longer than I should have.
+It was a waste of time and money.
+Do not believe any arguments about
+its convenience over electrolysis.
+.
+.Pp
+I've started getting electrolysis done
+with Dimi.
+Again,
+feel free to email me for contact info.
+He is very good and can do long sessions.
+I really don't find it very painful,
+which I think is partly my own pain tolerance
+and partly good equipment and skill.
+I've also found that taking acetaminophen beforehand
+and dressing warmly to keep my body relaxed help.
+I've paid $85 for hour-long sessions
+and $160 for two-hour sessions.
+I'm still early in treatment,
+but I'm really happy with the results so far!
 .
 .Ss Sex & name change
 The form for this is
@@ -101,7 +111,8 @@ so I made a donation to P10.
 .
 .Pp
 I paid $144 to file mine
-but it's now $148.
+but it's now FREE
+the first time you do it.
 Also $17 to mail it.
 Surprisingly,
 I got an acknowledgment letter
@@ -121,10 +132,12 @@ a week later.
 It takes another 30 days
 to get the certificate of change,
 after which you can
-order a new birth certificate.
-In all it took about 3 months
+order a new birth certificate
+and RAMQ will (slowly) send you a form
+to get a new card.
+In all it took about 4 months
 from when I mailed the application
-to receiving the certificate of change.
+to having ID with my name on it.
 .
 .Ss Therapy
 I'm not seeking therapy
@@ -134,6 +147,17 @@ that's aware of it.
 I'll update this
 if I find one.
 .
+.Ss Piercings
+Ok I know this isn't trans-specific
+but at least for me getting piercings
+was gender-affirming.
+Cuz I got nipple piercings lol.
+Anyway,
+I went to Mauve.
+They're super nice,
+really know what they're doing,
+and their website has lots of info.
+.
 .Sh AUTHORS
 .An june Aq Mt june@causal.agency
 .
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/039-apologies.7 b/www/text.causal.agency/039-apologies.7
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..1b15076a
--- /dev/null
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/039-apologies.7
@@ -0,0 +1,81 @@
+.Dd September 19, 2022
+.Dt APOLOGIES 7
+.Os "Causal Agency"
+.
+.Sh NAME
+.Nm Apologies
+.Nd making them
+.
+.Sh DESCRIPTION
+Apologies are very important to me.
+Unfortunately
+I've only recently realized
+how valuable they are.
+I've tried to think about
+what makes a good apology,
+since it's not something
+I was ever taught.
+This is the advice
+I came up with for myself,
+on how to apologize.
+.
+.Bl -enum
+.It
+Make the apology.
+This is the most important part.
+If you feel guilty
+for something you've done,
+or think you might have hurt someone,
+apologize.
+Even if they don't need an apology,
+saying sorry won't hurt.
+And start with that.
+Literally say
+.Dq I'm sorry .
+Sometimes people forget that.
+.Pp
+On the other side,
+if you've been hurt by someone,
+and you trust them,
+let them know.
+Give them a chance to apologize.
+People don't always realize
+they've made a mistake.
+.
+.It
+Explain what you did wrong.
+I think it's important
+for the other person
+to know you understand
+how you've messed up.
+Really think about this!
+It's what will help you learn.
+If you know you've hurt someone
+but you're not sure why,
+you can try asking them.
+Take their answer seriously.
+.
+.It
+Don't make excuses.
+Do not talk about yourself.
+Don't even mention
+how you were feeling stressed that day,
+or whatever.
+It's not relevant.
+We all make mistakes,
+we all have bad days.
+.
+.It
+Commit to doing better.
+Try to learn from your mistakes.
+Say it won't happen again.
+Literally say
+.Dq I won't do that again .
+And then try your hardest to make that true.
+An apology is a commitment,
+not something you're done with
+once you've said it.
+.El
+.
+.Sh AUTHORS
+.An june Aq Mt june@causal.agency
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/040-sound-memory.7 b/www/text.causal.agency/040-sound-memory.7
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..c995de08
--- /dev/null
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/040-sound-memory.7
@@ -0,0 +1,165 @@
+.Dd November 14, 2022
+.Dt SOUND-MEMORY 7
+.Os "Causal Agency"
+.
+.Sh NAME
+.Nm Sound Memory
+.Nd associations
+.
+.Sh DESCRIPTION
+.Ss Talking Heads \(em "Remain In Light"
+The first time I gave this album a serious listen
+was when I was going for several-hour walks
+at 4 in the morning in,
+I think,
+fall 2020.
+I would stay up all night,
+go out walking at 4am
+for a couple hours,
+come home,
+eat
+.Dq breakfast
+and go to sleep.
+I listened to this album
+walking on completely empty
+big city streets
+in the dark.
+.
+.Ss Buffy Sainte-Marie \(em Up Where We Belong
+I started listening to this album
+after hearing it many mornings
+walking into the cafe on my block
+back in 2019.
+I could tell Vincent was working
+if I heard this when I opened the door.
+.
+.Ss Molasses \(em Trilogie: Toil & Peaceful Life
+I listened to this when I had 8am classes
+in CEGEP.
+In particular my first semester philosophy course,
+which was in the forum.
+I usually got there even earlier
+because of how the bus schedules worked out.
+There was another girl in my class,
+who I always sat next to,
+who also got there early,
+but we never spoke outside of class.
+.
+.Ss Arcade Fire \(em Funeral
+This album just feels like walking outside
+in fresh snow in early winter,
+you know?
+.
+.Ss Molasses \(em Trouble at Jinx Hotel
+I listened to this when I was looking for an apartment.
+I specifically remember listening to it
+walking down Clark toward my new place
+to pick up my keys.
+.
+.Ss Arcade Fire \(em Neon Bible
+The song
+.Dq "No Cars Go"
+is strongly associated for me
+with my earliest gender feelings.
+It's how I date when I first
+started to feel like something was wrong.
+The Suburbs was released in 2010,
+so I was probably listening to Neon Bible
+in 2011.
+Ten years between that
+and coming out.
+.
+.Ss "Do Make Say Think" \(em "You You're a History In Rust"
+I remember hearing
+.Dq "A Tender History In Rust"
+for the first time
+at the office of my first job.
+Me and my coworkers stayed late,
+probably on a Friday night,
+drinking free tech startup booze.
+.
+.Ss mewithoutYou \(em It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All a Dream! It's Alright
+I exclusively listened to this album
+on a high school trip to Europe.
+Every morning when we got on the bus,
+I heard
+.Dq Every Thought a Thought of You
+and every night before bed
+I listened to
+.Dq The King Beetle on a Coconut Estate .
+.
+.Ss Arcade Fire \(em The Suburbs
+I listened to this album a tonne
+when I was playing
+Minecraft and Urban Terror
+with my online friends
+while I was in high school.
+In particular I remember
+a backyard shed World of Padman map
+and the apartments Minecraft world.
+.
+.Ss Arcade Fire \(em Reflektor
+I associate
+.Dq Afterlife
+with the walk between Laurier metro
+and my first job,
+in the winter.
+Must've just been how the timing worked out
+with my commute at the time.
+.
+.Ss Swans \(em To Be Kind
+I listened to this on one of my playthroughs
+of Half-Life 2.
+In particular I associate
+.Dq Bring the Sun / Toussaint L'Ouverture
+with the Water Hazard chapter.
+.
+.Ss Wrekmeister Harmonies \(em Light Falls
+For a while I put this on whenever I
+left my apartment to go somewhere
+and it was already dark,
+so probably winter.
+.
+.Ss St. Vincent \(em MASSEDUCTION
+This,
+along with the next one,
+I think were all I listened to
+on a family vacation
+to Quebec City and New Brunswick
+some years ago.
+.
+.Ss SOPHIE \(em Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides
+Many hours on the road
+on that family vacation.
+Two albums on repeat.
+.
+.Ss Julia Holter \(em Aviary
+This is another album
+I listened to when I was taking
+walks at 4am.
+I wasn't in a good place.
+Yet.
+.
+.Ss Beep Test \(em Laugh Track
+A tape from the first act
+at one of my favourite shows
+I've ever been to,
+at La Sotterenea
+in Suoni 2019.
+I wish I had been out already.
+.
+.Ss The Armed \(em Only Love
+The third of the albums I listened to
+on those dark walks.
+I listened to it loud,
+this album's mixing needs it.
+.
+.Ss Eliza Kavtion \(em The Rez That Summer
+A favourite local artist.
+I remember vividly the first time
+I heard her play,
+opening for Wrekmeister Harmonies
+at La Vitrola in 2018.
+.
+.Sh AUTHORS
+.An june Aq Mt june@causal.agency
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/041-albums-2022.7 b/www/text.causal.agency/041-albums-2022.7
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..48bd3c3d
--- /dev/null
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/041-albums-2022.7
@@ -0,0 +1,185 @@
+.Dd December 21, 2022
+.Dt ALBUMS-2022 7
+.Os "Causal Agency"
+.
+.Sh NAME
+.Nm albums 2022
+.Nd review
+.
+.Sh DESCRIPTION
+it's the year-end review
+of albums I listened to.
+same as last year,
+I added any albums I got into
+this year to a playlist.
+I've actually done that
+every year since 2018.
+maybe I'll review
+those old playlists some time.
+.
+.Ss ZHAOZE \(em SUMMER INSECTS TALK ABOUT ICE (2021)
+it's a five-and-a-half-minute album!
+you can loop it however long you want.
+it's really lovely.
+.Pp
+favourite track:
+ON HORSEBACK, TO FARAWAY
+.
+.Ss KATE BUSH \(em HOUNDS OF LOVE (1985)
+first of all I do not watch that one show.
+I've known that track for a while actually.
+I mean I probably first heard the CHROMATICS cover.
+but anyway,
+I think someone mentioned this album
+on IRC at just the right time
+and I put it on.
+the second half really shines tbh.
+love a concept album.
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+RUNNING UP THAT HILL,
+HOUNDS OF LOVE,
+AND DREAM OF SHEEP,
+WATCHING YOU WITHOUT ME,
+THE MORNING FOG.
+.
+.Ss GODSPEED YOU! BLACK EMPEROR \(em ALL LIGHTS FUCKED ON THE HAIRY AMP DROOLING (1994)
+didn't expect to hear this probably ever.
+still wild that it finally got uploaded.
+and to be honest I'm a little mad
+that it's actually good.
+like yeah it's not a godspeed album
+but it holds up as a tape on its own.
+it's the kind of shit I listen to.
+also can't believe some people
+still thought it was fake.
+like have you not heard
+any other efrim menuck projects?
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+$13.13,
+DIMINISHING SHINE,
+DADMOMDADDY,
+333 FRAMES PER SECOND,
+ALL ANGELS GONE.
+.
+.Ss BLACK DRESSES \(em FORGET YOUR OWN FACE (2022)
+woops I think I only listened to this like twice.
+will need to revisit it later for sure.
+I'll like it.
+.
+.Ss BACKXWASH \(em I LIE HERE BURIED WITH MY RINGS AND MY DRESSES (2021)
+only got into this album
+after hearing it live this summer.
+was the first show I went to in years
+and it was really fucking good.
+gotta listen to this shit loud.
+sampling godspeed for a beat fucks.
+honestly back to back bangers.
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+I LIE HERE BURIED WITH MY RINGS AND MY DRESSES,
+TERROR PACKETS,
+SONG OF SINNERS,
+BURN TO ASHES.
+.
+.Ss PHILIP GLASS ENSEMBLE \(em EINSTEIN ON THE BEACH (1979)
+actually just the knee plays
+because I can't be bothered
+listening to all of it.
+and I'm embarrassed by how much
+I enjoy this avant-garde bullshit.
+like ok just sing repeating numbers at me
+and my brain is happy.
+what is this?
+my kink?
+anyway I also have kind of an obsession
+with the
+.Dq story of love
+in knee 5.
+I fucking hate it.
+but it's delivered so well.
+and that violin though!
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+KNEE 1,
+KNEE 5.
+.
+.Ss KANYE WEST \(em YEEZUS (2013)
+ok look I listened to this
+before recent events.
+what the fuck.
+it's a really good album though?
+pretty sure I listened to it
+because bound 2 kept getting in my head,
+because of that minecraft parody parody
+wayne did ages ago.
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+BLACK SKINHEAD,
+HOLD MY LIQUOR,
+BLOOD ON THE LEAVES,
+BOUND 2.
+.
+.Ss FLYING RACCOON SUIT \(em AFTERGLOW (2021)
+I've listened to the whole album
+a few times
+but I'm mostly just here
+for the title track.
+this also happened to be
+dropped in IRC at just the right time.
+good ska-punk-type shit.
+and I like lisps ok.
+.Pp
+favourite track:
+AFTERGLOW.
+.
+.Ss RAMSHACKLE GLORY \(em LIVE THE DREAM (2011)
+one of those albums
+I don't know why I took so long
+to get to.
+I've been listening to johnny hobo
+since I was like in high school.
+ramshackle is a little more hopeful
+and I love that.
+your heart is a muscle the size of your fist.
+keep on loving.
+keep on fighting.
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+WE ARE ALL COMPOST IN TRAINING,
+NEVER COMING HOME,
+YOUR HEART IS A MUSCLE THE SIZE OF YOUR FIST.
+.
+.Ss LES RALLIZES D\('ENUD\('ES \(em THE OZ TAPES (2022)
+a pleasant surprise in someone's playlist.
+lately I've been listening to this
+in the metro to or from electrolysis.
+it's good listening for that.
+bold to have two versions
+of the same 24-minute song
+on the same release.
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+A SHADOW ON OUR JOY,
+THE LAST ONE_1970 (ver.2).
+.
+.Ss LINGUA IGNOTA \(em SINNER GET READY (2021)
+another I'm only getting into
+after hearing it live.
+just last sunday actually.
+was a good show.
+people will go wild
+to hear a cover live for real.
+.Pp
+favourite tracks:
+I WHO BEND THE TALL GRASSES,
+PENNSYLVANIA FURNACE,
+PERPETUAL FLAME OF CENTRALIA.
+.
+.Sh AUTHORS
+.An june Aq Mt june@causal.agency
+.Pp
+I started writing this
+before I saw LINGUA IGNOTA.
+good thing I waited.
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/042-comfort-music.7 b/www/text.causal.agency/042-comfort-music.7
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..445e04c3
--- /dev/null
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/042-comfort-music.7
@@ -0,0 +1,62 @@
+.Dd February 23, 2024
+.Dt COMFORT-MUSIC 7
+.Os "Causal Agency"
+.
+.Sh NAME
+.Nm comfort music
+.Nd feel better
+.
+.Sh DESCRIPTION
+it's been a while.
+and I'm on almost no sleep
+and haven't eaten a real meal
+since noon.
+which is a state I've written
+at least a couple posts in before,
+so what better time
+to return to what has apparently
+become this blog's format:
+lists of some music I like.
+.
+.Pp
+this is a list of music that comforts me.
+.
+.Bl -bullet
+.It
+knee play 5, from einstein on the beach.
+I like the organ and the counting and the cadence of the story.
+.It
+low \(em words.
+and I'm tired.
+.It
+godspeed you! black emperor \(em storm.
+this is like my original comfort music.
+been listening to it since I was teenage.
+the grooves are worn deep in my mind.
+.It
+set fire to flames \(em love song for 15 ontario (w/ singing police car).
+I like how it ends.
+.It
+va, from the beginner's guide.
+I think that's the whole point.
+though maybe it's too sad
+to be truly comforting.
+.It
+undertale, from undertale.
+what can I say?
+.It
+wrekmeister harmonies \(em covered in blood from invisible wounds.
+I find quite a bit of the album comforting really.
+I'm picking this one because I like the cadence
+of the lyrics.
+.It
+lingua ignota \(em pennsylvania furnace and perpetual flame of centralia.
+these are really my go to in recent times.
+I like waiting for the next line.
+.El
+.
+.Sh AUTHORS
+.An june Aq Mt june@causal.agency
+.Pp
+I don't think I've said anything
+very interesting here.
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/043-little-blessings.7 b/www/text.causal.agency/043-little-blessings.7
new file mode 100644
index 00000000..957c6289
--- /dev/null
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/043-little-blessings.7
@@ -0,0 +1,78 @@
+.Dd March 24, 2024
+.Dt LITTLE-BLESSINGS 7
+.Os "Causal Agency"
+.
+.Sh NAME
+.Nm little blessings
+.Nd life's
+.
+.Sh DESCRIPTION
+today I went out to go around.
+run some errands and do some shopping.
+along the way I was given
+several of life's little blessings.
+.
+.Pp
+while walking on ste-cath
+between berri and complexe desjardins,
+there was a somewhat disheveled man
+walking in the same direction and singing.
+he had a beautiful voice.
+he was singing a sad song in french,
+and he sung it well and enunciated every word.
+.
+.Pp
+in the mcdonald's at complexe desjardins,
+while waiting for my order,
+there were what appeared to be
+a teenager and her younger brother,
+who must have been
+looking at the display of
+current happy meal toys.
+the teenager was playing smash or pass,
+to the amusement of the younger one.
+they got ice cream
+and ate it across the room from me downstairs.
+.
+.Pp
+later,
+taking the 24 home from atwater
+carrying my new vacuum cleaner,
+the bus got lost.
+I think the driver missed the stop
+and tried to compensate
+by turning north onto peel
+and stopping there.
+but then he had to keep going up peel.
+he turned right onto docteur-penfield,
+which just brings you further up the mountain.
+when it met des pins,
+he turned left and pulled over,
+asking for guidance over the radio.
+we got moving again,
+back towards peel.
+that's how I ended up
+on a 24
+.Dq sherbrooke
+east,
+facing west on des pins.
+it was actually quite scenic.
+and amusing.
+I was in no rush.
+.
+.Pp
+after getting back onto sherbrooke,
+the bus had to take another detour,
+this one planned.
+so my ride on the 24,
+which normally only drives on sherbrooke,
+ended up going on peel,
+docteur-penfield,
+des pins,
+de bleury,
+ren\('e-l\('evesque
+and saint-laurent.
+it was a very exciting bus trip.
+.
+.Sh AUTHORS
+.An june Aq Mt june@causal.agency
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/Makefile b/www/text.causal.agency/Makefile
index c5555274..a8683a20 100644
--- a/www/text.causal.agency/Makefile
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/Makefile
@@ -38,15 +38,24 @@ TXTS += 035-addendum-2021.txt
 TXTS += 036-compassion.txt
 TXTS += 037-care.txt
 TXTS += 038-agency.txt
+TXTS += 039-apologies.txt
+TXTS += 040-sound-memory.txt
+TXTS += 041-albums-2022.txt
+TXTS += 042-comfort-music.txt
+TXTS += 043-little-blessings.txt
 
 all: colb ${TXTS}
 
-.SUFFIXES: .7 .txt
+.SUFFIXES: .7 .fmt .txt
 
 .7.txt:
 	mandoc -T utf8 $< | ./colb > $@
 	touch -m -r $< $@
 
+.fmt.txt:
+	fmt $< | sed '1,/^$$/d' > $@
+	touch -m -r $< $@
+
 feed.atom: feed.sh colb ${TXTS}
 	sh feed.sh > feed.atom
 
diff --git a/www/text.causal.agency/feed.sh b/www/text.causal.agency/feed.sh
index 668046ef..71bbf662 100644
--- a/www/text.causal.agency/feed.sh
+++ b/www/text.causal.agency/feed.sh
@@ -27,6 +27,7 @@ set -- *.txt
 shift $(( $# - 20 ))
 for txt; do
 	entry="${txt%.txt}.7"
+	test -f "$entry" || entry="${txt%.txt}.fmt"
 	date=$(grep '^[.]Dd' "$entry" | cut -c 5-)
 	title=$(grep -m 1 '^[.]Nm' "$entry" | cut -c 5- | encode)
 	summary=$(grep '^[.]Nd' "$entry" | cut -c 5- | encode)