.Dd August 18, 2025
.Dt TIME-2025 7
.Os "Causal Agency"
.
.Sh NAME
.Nm time
.Nd 2025
.
.Sh DESCRIPTION
time has passed.
this blog still exists.
I don't feel bad about not writing.
I haven't had anything I want to say in this form.
.
.Pp
I go back and read my own posts here fairly often.
most recently I looked up how I calculated
.Dq unique lines of code
all the way back in 2018.
I read my own post on apologies a lot.
I'm glad I wrote that down.
.
.Pp
other people, too,
still refer to my old posts.
.Dq operating systems
has been repeatedly referenced
by a friend for years.
I still occasionally get emails in reply to
.Dq inability .
I try to wish those people well.
recently I got asked about
.Dq names .
it was interesting trying to explain
an idea I was playing with four years ago.
.
.Pp
some time in the last year
I had started writing
a semi-ficticious history of my life.
I never finished it
and I don't think I'm interested in the idea anymore.
.
.Pp
I used to write posts about
books I'd read
or albums I'd listened to
in the year.
since 2022 I haven't really listened to new music.
I put a lot of songs I really like
in a big playlist called
.Dq more tunes
and I put that on shuffle
whenever I want music.
I don't know why
music doesn't play the same role
in my life anymore.
.
.Pp
I've read books since 2021,
though not at a very high rate.
I still love Becky Chambers
and Alix E. Harrow.
I still need to finish
the Andrea Stewart trilogy I started.
I read an old collection
of short erotic fiction
by trans authors.
that was really good.
I just finished a novel draft by a friend.
.
.Pp
I've shot a lot more film
since my last post.
I was wrong about a lot.
I don't feel like writing more about it.
.
.Pp
in october of 2022
I started a relationship
that lasted two years.
we moved in together in 2023.
by early 2024 things were going badly.
in february I posted
.Dq comfort music .
I think someone emailed me
because they didn't think I was doing well.
I wasn't.
from summer 2024
to summer 2025
was the worst year I've had.
in october someone I barely knew at the time
messaged me to ask if I was ok.
I think I was sitting in a tim hortons
after getting a blood test.
I felt bad all the time
and I didn't know what to do.
.
.Pp
we broke up 2 weeks after 2 years together.
everything got worse.
it wasn't a clean breakup.
I was still clinging onto
the familiar pieces of the relationship
that had used to make me happy.
they didn't anymore.
it was torture.
I lived in agony for months.
I think I lost my mind a little,
trying to handle things I couldn't.
.
.Pp
in march I went no-contact.
I started going to therapy.
I went on a weekend trip to ottawa by myself.
I looked at art in the national gallery.
I started trying to become myself again.
.
.Pp
in june I invited people out
for my 30th birthday.
I was terrified,
convinced up until the last second
that no one was going to come.
but they did.
and since then I've been doing better.
I think I've picked up where I left off,
at some point in the last few years.
.
.Sh AUTHORS
.Nm june Aq Mt june@causal.agency